I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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