I think my fart just growled at me.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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