this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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