Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
