The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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