i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize