I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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