They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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