I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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