We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
