ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
