is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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