Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
