i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
