You just made me feel so damn special
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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