this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
