woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
