He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
