If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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