Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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