They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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