We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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