ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
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