I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
