sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
