FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
