He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Randomize
