She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Just fell off a train. Bad.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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