but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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