i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
