Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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