mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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