I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
