Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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