So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
you never un-have a 4some
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize