Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
