his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
