An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
