you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
