He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
