so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
