Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
