His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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