I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
