We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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