Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
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