Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
