Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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