I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Randomize
