Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
