Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Randomize
