Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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