I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
