it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
