He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize