too bad you live with your parents still
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
