Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
