i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
