I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
