So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
lets start a swedish sibling band together
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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