I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He? As in you personified your dick?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
