getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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