I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
My underwear smells like fireworks.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
