Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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