I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
