They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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