Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
