ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
