Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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