everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
