Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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