me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
worst night to have a conscience
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
