do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Randomize
